There is so much information out there about parenting. We want to break down the more popularly referenced styles of parenting because understanding your parenting style isn’t about putting yourself in a box or to tell you whether you’re a good or bad parent, it’s about noticing the patterns you tend to fall into and understanding where you may want to grow.
There are four main parenting styles that are well known.
They are:
- Authoritarian – High control and strict expectations, with an emphasis on obedience and punishment.
- Permissive – High warmth and responsiveness, but fewer boundaries and less enforcement of rules.
- Uninvolved/Neglectful – Low levels of both guidance and emotional involvement.
- Authoritative – High warmth and responsiveness paired with clear boundaries and expectations.
Authoritarian:
The authoritarian parent focuses on a high level of control over their kids. These parents believe in a strict set of expectations that must be obeyed and enforce consequences or punishment when those expectations aren’t met. Authoritarian parents are known for their “drill sergeant” like approach. This parent doesn’t focus a lot on the relationship they have with their child because they want to be sure they are seen as the authority figure and can sometimes not give much thought to their child’s opinion. Obedience may be prioritized over collaboration, explanation, or consideration of the child’s perspective. This doesn’t necessarily mean an authoritarian parent doesn’t love or care about their child. Rather, their approach tends to place greater emphasis on control and compliance than on flexibility and connection.
Permissive:
Now on the opposite end of the scale, we have the permissive parent. A permissive parent tends to place a strong emphasis on their relationship with their child and may prioritize connection, freedom, and avoiding conflict These parents are often warm and relational, but they may struggle with setting or consistently enforcing boundaries. The permissive parent may have a mindset of, “Kids will be kids,” allowing children a great deal of freedom to make their own choices. While warmth and connection are important parts of healthy parenting, children also benefit from having consistent boundaries and expectations.
Uninvolved / Neglectful:
The uninvolved parent, also known as the neglectful parent, tends to provide less guidance, nurturing, and attention. There may be few rules or expectations, but unlike permissive parenting, this isn’t necessarily because the parent is intentionally giving their child freedom. An uninvolved parent may be emotionally or physically unavailable and may not consistently respond to their child’s needs. The defining characteristic is the lack of consistent involvement and responsiveness, rather than simply having fewer rules.
Authoritative:
The authoritative parenting style is often associated with many of the outcome’s parents hope to encourage in their children. An authoritative parent creates a nurturing and positive relationship with their child, while still setting boundaries and enforcing rules. They set rules but also encourage independence within the boundaries of those rules. They validate their child’s feelings while still maintaining that the parent is the one in charge. There are clear expectations for the children, while parents still offer warmth and forgiveness when their child makes mistakes.
Conclusion:
Most parents probably won’t identify perfectly with one parenting style all the time. We may naturally lean toward one style, while responding differently depending on the situation, our stress level, our child’s temperament, or what we experienced growing up. This is where self-awareness becomes important. We may have different attachment styles in our different relationships, which can impact how we respond to closeness, independence, emotions, and conflict. Our attachment patterns may influence which parenting responses feel most natural to us, but they do not determine the kind of parent we will be. With self-awareness and practice, we can learn to respond differently.
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